I keep doubting myself. Im in a relation of 1 year and I've ended it (ended it yesterday). So I know I'm going through the greiving process and at the moment I just want to go back to him. We are talking and are still friends.

For some time I have doubted my partners feelings towards me are genuine. He loves my company, loves being around me and we loves doing just about everything together - all the things that would indicate someone really wanted to be with you, but there have been occasions where I've been left heavily in doubt.

I feel so petty writing this, because it sounds so petty when i say it.

He loves a program called Sparticus. I hate it. In my opinion it is heavy violence and soft pornography. The program is filled with sex, full frontal nudity (both men and women) and there have been scenes of 'gladiators' being commanded to have sex with 'slaves' for the gratification of their 'owners'. My boyfriend says he doesnt like that part but likes the sword fights and says he only watches it because he is waiting for it to "go somewhere." Most of the program contains sex scenes - none loving - all degrading and violent I feel.

I was raped by an ex boyfirend 10 years ago and the fact my current boyfirend likes to watch Sparticus tears me apart. I've spoken to him. I've explained why i feel so strongly. I have no right to ask him to stop watching it because he has every right to watch what he wants. I'd hoped he'd stop. I explained that for some reason in my head, I cant be with someone on an intimate level who can watch a program like that. and genuinely, i cant because I feel cheap. I nkow it's my issue and not his. He says "we" will work through it, but keeps watching the program and telling me he agrees with me that there is too much sex, but doesnt agree that the scenes are of rape. Perhaps I'm just hyper sensitive because i what has happened in the past - something i had councelling for. He says I'm over reacting to the program.

I love him so much and don't want to walk away (yes i know i have already ended it) but I'm regretting it and there perhaps is still time to go back.

I dont know if i'm even being rational or reasonable.

Any advice would be appreciated