Quote:
Originally Posted by sittingatwatersedge
Despite later traumas, my sister shows the marks of very secure early attachment, whereas I do not.
By the time I was born, things were falling apart in our family; my Dad had beaten & tried to kill my mother rmany times (even while pregnant with me).
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I think the problem is with the dynamics, not the birth order. I know about the "jealousy" of older siblings; I have motion pictures of my mother holding/carrying my oldest brother around and playing with him, etc. and my father and uncle doing the same from 1942-43, when family movies weren't the norm and it was during the War, etc., but there is nothing with my other brothers and me. I have "enough" photographs of myself that I'm comfortable with that but really really am frustrated because I was so young, I can't remember what went on and my brothers claim not to either (whereas I feel, if I were older like they were, I would remember :-) I always feel like I'm "behind" in understanding family dynamics and how it "was".
I get pictures like this one of my mother holding me, just home from the hospital and my brothers looking on but I can't see my mother's face, whether she was smiling, cooing, frowning, etc. It's very frustrating:
