ack, this time thing. It is such a big deal for me, it drives me nuts. I am so, so careful not to get to Ts office too early (I would never be late, have never been late, ever. I'm that kind of anxious person, always early, for everything). Getting there too early leaves me too much time sitting in the lobby, which I cannot stand. I think my threshold for sitting in there is 2 minutes, tops.

So I will waste time while driving if I have to, in order to not get there too early. Walk my dog around the parking lot, have a cigarette, go to the bathroom in the lobby of the building, text some friends my weekly pre-therapy freak out text, anything to avoid getting into her lobby too soon.

So if she is even ONE minute late coming out to get me, it drives me up the wall.

During session, I watch the clock, obsessively. She has a couple strategically placed so we both can see one. I am always worried I won't have enough time. Even now that I have 90 min sessions (which are 75 min. sessions in real time, 90 mins in therapist's time, lol), there is never enough time. I could stay all day and night and all week and it wouldn't be enough time.

If I have something I want to talk about but haven't had the courage to bring up yet, it gets bigger and bigger in my chest as the time goes by. I hate coming out with things in the last 5 minutes, but I do it sometimes so I won't have to carry it around a whole other week. I'm trying to learn to speak up with my "agenda" earlier in the session, so I don't have that "omg, time's ticking down!" thought taking up space in my head the whole time. I have a hard time bringing things up, though. I forget in the anxiety of the moment.

ok, well evidently I could go on and on about this time issue, but I will stop now.