Hello merlin75,

This is a difficult one because I know how you feel, having worked through such a situation I also know how the freedom from those reactions feels. But I think this goes a little further than your horrible rape and poor treatment.

I know how hard this is for you. He sees no problem with the sex because he is removed from it and sees it as it is a tv program; it's not real life.

You mentioned first up in your post though "soft porn" and "sex". Is that what bothers you the most? Is it the sexuality? and womens naked bodies that he is looking at?

I really feel for you in this; there is anger, rage, sadness and a feeling of being devalued as well. But just because he watches that doesn't mean he wants those women or that he wants to treat those women or especially treat you like that.

You may well be being hypersensitive but there is for you a valid reason and you need to be able to tell him the reasons and he understand them. You can make this go away and you will be at peace with watching sex on tv, not having it bother you.

I honestly don't think couples counselling is needed here. This is something you need to work on because it is an issue that bothers you not him. Yes he should understand your concerns, but should he stop watching something because you disapporove of it?

I'm happy to PM if you like?

I really hope you are able to sort this and not loose your loving relationship