i cant sleep right now because i can think about is him..
im not even suppossed to talk to him.
but i do. and i lie about it.
im a horrible fiancee for it.
its not ohkay anymore.
i still need him.
i still love him.
i still want him.
im so mad at him for everything he did to me.
for all the times he hurt me.
im so mad at myself for letting it happen over and over the past year.
im mad at my fiancee for making me stop talking to him even though i know its right.
im mad that the only person on this earth i can talk too anymore is 3000 miles away. this is not ohkay.
this has built up so much that i cant sleep because im afraid of waking up again. im afraid that im gunna wake up and my life is somehow gunna get worse then it already is. that maybe this isnt rock bottom and that it really can and will get worse before it gets better.
i didnt know it was possible to feel like this because of a stupid boy.
and ex.
im engaged. this is not suppossed to be happening right now.
i want to ask if anyone can help me because i know somebody out there has to know what im going through and has to know exactly how i feel and what to do to make this horrible feeling go away.
but i also know that honestly i wouldnt listen if i heard the right advice.
god what is wrong with me.
am i so messed up that im just going to continue to feel like this until i cant take it anymore and off myself or what?
i havnt slept more then 2 hours a night in 2 weeks
please help me