I've been away from the forum for...well, dunno...feels like a long time, but can't be more than a week. My doc added Risperdal (risperidone) to my little cocktail and I've been 9 days completely stable!!! I had one minor blip, which was a situational panic attack that I almost let unravel me into one of my ever so familiar destructive manic w/ psychosis episodes, but I reined it in and the whole thing lasted two hours. But aside from that: NINE DAYS!!!



Because I am an ultra rapid cycler, I cannot remember the last time I was ok for 9 days. I literally can't. This is wonderful. I know it could change at any minute, but for now I'm just enjoying the normal stuff I usually can't enjoy.

I finished all four of my disability med evals (three with MDs and one with a psychologist...weird) and am just waiting to hear now.

Anyway, I purposely tried to stay away from anything triggering or even the topic of bipolar for a week or so to help myself stay stable. I think I wanted to feel not bipolar and to not even think of bipolar. It didn't work--bipolar is always there, plus I had a bunch of dr appts where the sole purpose was to discuss bipolar. But it still felt nice being normally functional. I even called a friend on the phone. I haven't done that in years unless I was mixed, manic, psychotic. But this was just a nice conversation. Even if today is the last of the stability, I have more hope than before. Nine days. If I can go nine, why not ten? And so on. If I slip into an episode, I can get back up (hopefully) and know that it was shorter and that it will be a while for the next one. To be honest, it's the rapid cycling that makes me want to jump off a cliff--there's just no rest.

I missed you all, though! So I had to pop back in and be here.

I don't know if any of you remember the issue with my heart rate being between 100-120 at all times or not, but it's still that high. At all times. I have to go to the lab to have blood work drawn since now it's an issue. We're checking my thyroid first, but that's dumb since I just had it checked a month ago and my doc lowered by synthroid. I'm hypo, no hyper, so why would that have anything to do with it? Meh--anyway, at least now it's getting attention.

Hi, guys. Missed y'all.