It's funny I haven't cut in a while. I consider myslef recovering. However since I am pregnant, since I am sober and since I am hurting inside I have been getting strong urges.

Although usually I thrash at my forearm skin relentlessly until no flesh is left to be broken, the urg
e I have now is to make one single verticle cut from my wrist to the inner creak of my elbow. I find this to be odd as I have never really cut this way before.

I am so hurting inside and find coping to be so hard when I have no real skills in it. I have my writing, but honestly I have been unable to produce anything that matters or is what I consider good. I do not cry that much for release. And my drugs are no more wiht this pregnancy.

SO far I have yet to cut, I am hoping to remain this way as I know once I start it will continue on. Like any addiction if I rationalize thinking jsut this one time, there is prone to be others.

But it is so hard, when all I want is to prove I am human that I am real, that I can feel.........grrrrrrrr......

Life is tricky sometimes.......Thanks for listening......