Quote:
Originally Posted by pachyderm
Never! What, me angry?
You know what happens when you get too angry? Beaten to death, locked away, ...
Do these things never happen? What distinguishes between situations where they do happen, and where they don't?
|
So you are afraid when you get angry? I can just imagine what feelings get triggered up when you are angry because of your mother and your past therapists. There is nothing wrong with being angry. Working through these triggers would be a good idea and could be very liberating.
Quote:
Originally Posted by pachyderm
fins, when I make what someone thinks is a "mistake", probably because everything I did as a child was hostilely criticized, and someone responds with words, words that contra-dict what I say -- well, that doesn't work for me. I want someone who basically does not use a lot of words in response to everything I say, but quietly listens for me to say more, or asks if they don't understand something, for me to explain it in more detail. In an atmosphere of reduced anxiety, I catch my own cognitive distortions. Arguing is death.
|
Or instead of trying to do the impossible task of trying to control what everyone else is doing in response to you, just work on the triggers. You are obviously getting really triggered when people respond to you this way.
Quote:
Originally Posted by pachyderm
If what I get indicates confusion on the part of the writer-T, an inability to describe clearly what it is that they actually do in therapy, or inability even to agree that they should know, then I get turned off. It tells me that they don't know what they are doing, and if that is the case, how do they know what to do in a crisis; how do they know if they made a mistake, or how to correct one?
|
Maybe here you just want to be all knowing about the future so that you can keep yourself safe. This is also an impossible task. What worked for me was to learn how to handle situations so that I could feel confident that I could handle whatever came up. Now I don't need to control situations or other people.
Again, I think that if you diffuse your triggers you will be able to move forward much easier.
Quote:
Originally Posted by pachyderm
The trouble is, the thing that scares the %)*#$ out of me is, sometimes I can express it, sometimes I am completely unable to even think it. I cannot count on myself whenever I have to deal with a therapist or any other person. I feel I cannot have any close friends because I cannot guarantee who I will be at any given time.
|
Needing to control again (this time yourself, though?)
Quote:
Originally Posted by pachyderm
Here is what happens to me in therapy, and everywhere. It was the way my problem presented itself originally, and it is similar now. I try to think things. The comments that other people make get inside my head and conflict with my own thoughts. There develops a battle between "me" and the other people, or their thoughts, their comments about me. I want someone to listen so I can explain and develop "me" and don't always have to "justify" myself or what I think.
There got to be a time in my first therapy when there was only one person inside of me -- me. (Actually, I guess I could imagine others, friends.) My therapist at the time did not like it. He tried, and almost succeeded, in convincing me that me was sick, me was bad, me was dangerous, me had to be "controlled". By him. All for my own good, of course.
I crashed.
|
Very unfortunate situation with this therapist........
Do you feel that you have this battle between what you think and what others think because you feel that your own identity isn't very strong?