I just had another thought. In one of my first sessions with T - maybe my first session, actually - I was talking about my mom and I said, out loud, "honestly, I just wish she would die". I was so scared T would latch onto that and call the authorities or something, but it ended up just being part of the conversation.

I know that for ME, the things I need to say are much bigger, scarier, more pathological, more "bad" then they actually end up being when I say them out loud. We judge ourselves so harshly, you know? And that judgment gets all mixed together with fear and the next thing we know, we're stuck in the same place we've always been. SO hard.