Pachy--Sannah just posted about wanting to get to know your inner world. That made me wonder if you've ever tried IFS--Internal Family Systems therapy. My T uses it, as you probably know. She doesn't judge any part of me. She just says she wants us both to be curious about the parts and get to know them. She uses the phrase about getting to know our "inner world"--the parts that make up our personality. Anything you say would be okay with her. IFS therapy is gentle and calming. The T isolates one part, any part of you that needs/wants attention, and has you put aside the critical parts. My T doesn't believe in diagnoses, either.
I am sorry that you're having such a hard time, Pachy. I always appreciate you comments, threads, and posts.