I will first apologize now as this may turn into a longer post than I intend.

For a bit of history I grew up in an environment of every abuse possible from the ages of 4 to 16. I first tried to kill myself at the age around 7, but nothing was done and my parents just laughed it off as nothing serious. I then started to fall into a severe depression around age of 10. Remained in that for years. I dont remember too much of mood swings or details.

The abuse stopped just passed my 16th birthday. I had a court ordered fo mental health, which I broke many of times. Anyways, I was then diagnosed with Major Depression, PTSD, GAD, and an adjustment disorder. I refused medications and things got worse.

Since then I have lots several jobs, been thru two law suits with overuse of credit cards, been arrested a few times, and about to face another lawsuit with a credit card.

I have recently been diagnosed as being bipolar II, but could they be wrong. My friends have been also saying the dx is right as they have for many of years before I even received the diagnosis.I do feel some days that I am, such as today as i am unable to stop crying and shaking, but there are days where I feel that Im not sure, because I cant always describe what is going through my mind or how I feel? I want to avoid medications simply because I dont believe in them. The other thing is I cant really afford to do much as I have no insurance.

Any advice on getting the help that I know I need? Does BP II ever go away? Im sick of crashin my life....