I do have a T, and she helps a lot. I guess we're more at the point of discovering those tapes right now though than erasing them. I'm wondering if I'll even be able to get to my appointment this week. Mostly we work by email since she's 3 1/2 hours away, and I've only seen her four times in person. Right now she's on vacation.

If you had posted what I did, I would say that you do deserve to be happy, and I would say to hang in there - it won't always be this way. It's so much easier to say it than to believe it though.

I guess that at some level I do feel like it's reasonable to want the things that I do, but if I admit that then guilt kicks in and I question why I feel entitled to things that aren't mine, and why I can't just be satisfied with what I have. I spent eight years hating the tiny house that we lived in before we moved here, when before we got that house all I asked for was a place where we could keep the animals. Now we have a house that is big enough for us, and still have animals, but I don't have the energy to take care of the animals - the kids do it these days, and the house payments are rediculous, (it isn't that much of a house even - just a manufactured home with plenty of its own problems). And I did finish my bachelor's degree, but that's useless by itself, and we just keep getting more debt. It just seems like whatever I get, I keep wanting more, and I probably do want too much.