(((((((((((( Eric )))))))))))

I hope you are feeling better today.

I don't know if this will help you or not, because I am not dissociative, but I do believe that what you are going through, many others go through in their lives as well.

There was a time in my life that I was extremely unhappy, so angry I couldn't see straight, put the mask on as much as I could (even that wasn't done well), took out my pain and anger on anyone in my way, had no clue who I was or what my purpose was on this earth, hated myself, didn't stand for anything and the list goes on and on and on.

On a day that I wasn't feeling really bad, I thought long and hard about all of that crap and decided that the only way I could feel better was to make the needed changes to myself.

So, I wrote down what I disliked about myself and what I liked about myself. From there, I decided what changes needed to be made and then put them in order as to what I would work on first, second, third etc. Even though I had no real clue as to how I would make the changes, I just knew in my heart that I had to start moving on them or I would end up being a miserable sot for the rest of my life. I couldn't bare that thought.

I concentrated on what I liked about myself. Even though there didn't seem to be a lot at the time, whatever was there was important to me. Every day, many times a day, I would do my self talk about what I liked about me. It was hard on some days. To look in a mirror and tell myself that I loved myself was absolutely disgusting to me most of the time. But I continued doing it......like it or not. In time, I finally began to believe it. Maybe not all the time, but once in awhile. That was a huge change for me. It then became more believable the more I did that exercise....I yelled it to myself less and less and I began to cry and truly believe it.

From there, I began to think about how to make other changes in myself. Things I didn't like about myself I tried to figure out why I felt that way. Once I figured out the why's, I was able to institute a way to fix it. Small steps is all it takes to begin the process. What I found was the more steps I took, the more things began to fall into place. I was able to open my eyes to more possibilities, more positives, less anger and fear.

Hon, everyone has good in them. It's a matter of touching on it and reminding yourself of it as much as you can. I know there are things that are very difficult to fix. One cannot change their past, but one can learn from it and build on that learning. The best thing I learned, well it's actually 2 best things I learned.... first was that I could forgive myself for being human and second was that I loved myself.

As I learned and changed, so did my life. Things began to fall into place. I began to make friends again, I found new meaning to life and why I was here. It may be a slow process but it's one that is oh so important to self preservation and happiness.

Take what you will from my story that you connect with, discard the rest if you like. I just hope something here resonates with you and helps you feel better about YOU.


sabby