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Originally Posted by dragonflybug
Hi. Ok here's my problem/story. My husband and I have been together for 2 1/2 years. He's been very physically abusive to me occasionally over that time period. Like every three months. Anyways, we're now having a "fresh start".
The reason I mention this, is because since I've been abused, I don't even know what's normal anymore. I need advice from anyone who knows what normal should be, I guess you could say? I don't want to put this in the abuse section, because it's a sexual problem. I hope that's ok? So here's the problem: He keeps "fingering" me and has our whole relationship, despite me telling him I don't like it! I'm not talking about foreplay here. He touches my private area a lot. After we agreed to a "fresh start" just last week, this was one of the issues I brought up. That I just don't like it.
So tonight he gets home. I'm on my hands and knees looking for our daughter's lovey so she can go to sleep. He comes up behind me, and slides his finger across my private area! I was pissed. We had just talked about this last week. So I got up and told him I don't like that. He started screaming at me, telling me I'm a prude and am I a nun.
Seriously now. Am I really a prude? We've done everything in bed together, including letting him go in the "other way". So how am I a prude? I just don't like being touched down there when I'm busy around the house, or every time I bend over, or him holding me there when we're watching TV. I've told him this so many times. I thought you were supposed to be honest about what you don't like sexually? I've been telling him for 2 1/2 years now-our entire relationship. Any advice??? Him telling me I'm a prude just really got to me, and I'm wondering now if I am and don't know it? I don't know!
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Dragonfly,
I know this is an older post but I really feel for what you're going through.
I agree with others you are not a prude. Some people think they can own other people and do whatever they want to their body whenever they want. You saying "I don't like that" is like saying, "you don't own me". Some people are also impulsive, they see soemthing they want and they take it. It sounds like you like to be touched when it is time and when you are in the mood too, but not at every moment while you are working, of course that is not being a prude. He said that because you were standing up for yourself and he got defensive.
When I was in middle school there were a group of boys who would pull up my skirt it went on and on and became like this trend and I got to where...for years I would not wear skirts without thick pantyhose...it just sucks to be taken off guard like that. Then in my twenties I was in a relatiosnhip with someone who would do that kind of thing a lot.
So now even in a normal healthy relationhip with a man who does not do that kind of thing: once while we were being playful he pulled up my dress and that was appropriate timing... but it really bothered me anyway, even though we do everything you can imagine sexually and I want him to be playful and I was doing this kind of thing with him too, it's like I felt like I did when I was in middle school for a second...someone posted that we get conditioned and that is so true.
What you said about not bending over around your husband really touches a cord with me, sometimes people do not realize how much they affect others...you sound like a really strong person; I wish you the best.