I think the guilt and other negative things kick in because you are stuck in the web that your mom made. I don't agree with what your mother said and did to you. We've talked before about the web and how it would be so great if you could get out of it.

IMO you will always feel the guilt, blame others and want for more until you get yourself out of that web. I've always heard that we can't be well until we stop blaming our parents for our behavior.

It's been my experience that a person can communicate to another pages of explanations, advice, suggestions, etc. If within those pages one word triggers the person then that's all they are able to hear. With one of my sisters that one word is 'victim'. I wonder if your trigger word is 'worthless' due to your mothers web. If so, maybe the best thing you can do for yourself is work hard to get out of the web. I don't think you want to go thru life blaming others who happen to use the word worthless.