I only just found this forum and started browsing around. When I saw this post I thought I had to create a profile just so I could reply.

The behaviour you're describing in your partner is exactly how I have been acting for most of my life, until I finally found some methods to help me deal with it in the last few weeks (hence my interest for this forum).

Anyhow, what I'd like to emphasise to you is that this is not in any way, shape or form, your fault. You are not unlovable, you have simply had the misfortune of meeting one of these people who are like me. I have never been able to stay in a relationship for long either, not through any fault of the other person but simply because an anxiety so strong that it eventually results in panic forces me to finish it.

It was very hard for me to see how I could act otherwise, but then I found a book that totally opened my eyes. Unfortunately it's in Swedish (Hemligheten by Josefsson/Linge), but it's based on concepts like ACT theory, cognitive therapy and Mindfulness. I have also been recommended a book called The Happiness Trap by Harris (by the author of the first book, no less), which I've ordered but haven't yet read.

If you're still on friendly terms with your partner and he realises that he has a problem, maybe he'd be willing to take a look at some of this material. For me, it has been life changing. I'm only at the start of my journey, but I can totally see how these methods can make a change.

(I had included links to the books in this post but the forum wouldn't let me post links. I hope you can find more information on your own.)