I'm diagnosed with Bipolar 1, been on medication for around 10 years. I have a couple breakthru episodes a year and usually a terrible one every other year. Just coming out of a monster episode and I'm still reeling and overwhelmed with the damage control that needs to be done in this "relapse's" aftermath.
Just a question: Do any of you who have BP1 ever get a sort of "amnesia" after the worst has passed and you're on the mend? I get mixed mania and this recent 2 month episode was pretty bad. I think the lamictal is making my memory issues worse, but that's just how it goes. But I really want to know how many of you out there can't remember what the hell happened after its over. I start feeling like people are messing with me telling me "it was like this" when I thought "it was like that". More so than the generalized paranoia and psychosis, I really feel like Alice in Wonderland Goes to Hell. In fact I am having a little trouble not believing some of the more delusional ideas I had this time, even though I am comparatively stable now. As long as I've been dealing with this disease (for 30 years and taking meds for 12---I'm 42 now) you'd think the big episodes wouldn't throw me like this at least not the aftermath part but I am always blown away, like I just got diagnosed. I'm not sure of anything, I am not sure of anything. yes i meant to repeat that. I feel like a little kid learning how to say the ABC's. Can't say I like having the carpet ripped out from under me regarding everything I thought I knew.
They d/c'd my antidepressant and increased the lamictal but I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop....the big black boot of doom LOL Anyway my memory esp short term is ridiculous, can barely finish a conversation without forgettign what we were talking about. All day long, every day and I dont even get embarrassed or try to grab onto my train of thought anymore. I just say "oh ****, tell me what we were just talking about if you WANT to."
Wondering if I got beat up by the bipolar bully one too many times. At least I can operate my cell phone again :/