Hi Rhiannonsmoon,

I have the exact same problem. I feel anxiety from the moment I wake up. I have learned to repress this emotions since childhood. But I have been unable to feel normal and I used to blame these emotions as my scourge.

I am not sure whether I can explain it properly. But I will try -
When I get up, I feel the anxiety that I should reach work before 8.30 though my work hours are a bit flexible (I cannot pinpoint my anxiety exactly, because it's always there and I have gotten kind of used to ignoring it). Even though I get up at 6.30 or so, I still keep a new target to reach work at 7.30, though these is no need. When I am with people, I am anxious about whether I am being easy-going and whether I am liked by others. And I have been feeling low about having these anxious feelings which prevents me from achieving these goals. They make me social awkward and make me appear less confident and easy prey for social criticism.

So, imagine my surprise when I reflected after reading books and realized that in the tussle that goes on within me, the resistance to achieving my goals is the true me and the goals I have (to appear socially suave, etc) are somebody else's goals (of my parents, actually). So, all the while I have been identifying with the wrong part within me (the commander or the goal setter) instead of the part that is me ( i.e. the resistance to these goals) who wants to enjoy, and be naughty, playful. And the funny thing I realized is the way I resist these goals within myself is the same way I used to resist demands from my parents. So, the same childhood drama has been happening within me and all the while I have been taking my parents' side rather than mine.

I am quite glad, I have been fighting internally with the parts that are not me, though I identified with these parts.

So, in short, the anxious parts you would love to get rid of, in order to have a 'good' life, may be the real you. And you should get rid of the poachers that entered into you personality through your parents or any authoritarian figure instead.