Hello talguynlove

Please don't take this the wrong way...it is not a judgement of you it is simply an observation through the window you have given me to look (your post). I respectfully disagree with shez.

From a simplistic point of view you don't love anyone else because you are too in love with your self. Vanity is a strange thing, we can either not have enough of it and suffer with poor self esteem or we can have way too much of it and be almost sociopathic whereby we don't give a tinkers cuss about what others think let alone what they might feel. Sociopathics need no one, want no one and do things for their own enjoyment and satisfaction.

For the common variety of vanity being so self focused leaves little room for caring much about others or what they might think of us but when it comes to communicating with a sociopath they would feel intense anger at an imagined slight or insult, even a perceived judgement (which I do hope you understand is not what I am doing here, If there is judgement to be had I would be judging myself first), can bring on anger, anxiety etc. The sociopath prides themself on being the best at everything, in their own estimation.

You don't mention whether you take medication or see a therapist or if you have been diagnosed yet. This makes it difficult to know exactly how to support you; friendship is a good place to start and I welcome you to PC hoping that we can get to know each other as friends would.

I really do hope that you see a doctor and get tested for some diagnosis so that you more than others know which direction you are headed in and so that you are aware of which areas you need help. Mental illness is never an easy thing to deal with, but if you know yourself it is easier to put up with because you understand yourself and why you are behaving or reacting to any given stimuli.

I hope you receive the support that you need, from here. There are so many wonderful people on PC who do not judge and are able to openly discuss many issues without it being a problem; there are friends in the making here at PC and there is little to no judgement,

Rhiannon