I have many of these thoughts as well. When I was i the hospital I shared them with a mental health counselor and his words were, "Wow, you are tough on yourself."

He went on to help me come up with some positive affirmations, that although seemed like BS at first, are beginning to stick and crowd out some of those other awful thoughts.

Do you have a p-doc ad a T-doc? They can help. You don't deserve to live with these awful thoughts plaguing you.