(((((((((((Zoo))))))))))))) Can you just call T without trying to guess the outcome? Just make the call and give T the chance to help you?

It's awful to be stuck in those spirals, and not sleeping makes it 57290582048 times worse. And I'm sooooooooooooo sorry about the flashbacks.

whatever you do, please don't cancel Monday. Go and let T support you. You can go and take a break from the trauma work...or you can tell about the flashbacks and release them. When I was telling my story, sometimes I would have flashbacks that I thought I couldn't bear....but if I would just tell them to T, things would quiet down a little inside. For me, it felt like my story pushing to be told. It was still just as hard to say the words...but T always told me that bringing things into the light would take away some of their power, and he really was right in the end.

Call T. Go to session Monday.

Be gentle with you, sweet zoo. Don't cut yourself off from help.