I think I know the answer to this question, but I have to put it out there anyway... am I insane?

I've mentioned on this board before (a while ago) that I wasn't satisfied with my psychiatrist and the medication regimen I'm on. He had me taking six different medications at doses so high that one pharmacist refused to fill them, saying that it was just "ridiculous" (no joke).

Last week I took things into my own hands. I saw him and he handed me Rx's for all of the refills I needed, and I told him that I was taking my medications... but I lied. I stopped taking the abilify and the trileptal, I decreased my dose of wellbutrin, and I'm weaning myself off the Lexapro. That leaves BuSpar, 300mg Wellbutrin, and klonopin as needed.

What I REALLY want to do is stop taking everything, but I know I have an anxiety problem, so it would be wise for me to at least stay on the BuSpar.

Am I out of my mind?

I've been taking pills of some sort for the past fifteen years, non-stop. I have always been perfectly compliant... until now. I'm sick of it, and I don't even know if they're doing me any good.

I have a follow-up appointment in ten days, but I'm moving out-of-state and starting with a new psychiatrist in a month. I have enough meds to get me through until then, and I'd rather disappear than lie to my current psychiatrist again. Do I cancel my appointment and just vanish? Do I tell him the truth and let him get mad at me?

My mother has always been my confidante, but I can't tell her I'm doing this because she'll get mad at me. It seems I've created a lot of problems for myself.

My only ally is my psychologist. He's fairly anti-medications, and I have "his blessing." I see him again on Wednesday.

What have I done??

I feel fine, but it's been less than a week since I stopped taking things, and it's another five (six?) weeks before I meet the new psychiatrist. Do I tell HIM that I was noncompliant because I felt my current psychiatrist isn't listening to me?

I guess if things go downhill, I have the Rxs to fill the meds I stopped taking. I don't think that will be necessary, but it is an option.

Sorry about the rambling post. I need to get this off my chest. As I said, I feel fine, but it's stressing me out.

Ugghhghghghhhh