Yoda, reading your post was almost like seeing my own story. I have had PTSD ( looking bk @ symptoms) since childhood. But I was very functional until the end of 2007. I too was an RN, my fields were ER, ICU, & Hospice. I loved the ER, it is where the "rubber meats the road" so to speak. A plce where I could truely make a difference for others.
I knew when to pull myself away from nursing. I was ahving trouble focusing and haveing flashbacks & panic attacks. They started when a patient with schitzophrenia was admitted to the floor for a "UTI" that he did not have. He attacked me. After the attack and all the admin people showed up, police took photos of me, etc, I learned that he had been in crisis when he was brought in, he was sedated adn admitted. (I was Charge on med/surg floor that day). There were no labs in his chart to support the admitting diagnoses.
I began having panic attacks when I would come in to work, I was referred to the employee help line, an appointment was made, I was in PT thru the occupational health center. I was unable to function at work and needed time off. I was terminated for this.
It is sad and infuriates me that the "system" that intrudes in our family time, holidays, and demands we give 200% even when we are more ill than our patients, can turn it's back without a second glance and see us as weak and disposable.
I am very happy that you want to return to nursing. I, myself, have removed me from that circle. I will not be returning. I am intelligent and scored well in college. I can do anything....if i have no anxiety. I have been asked if I am "up to it" before. I get frustrated adn tell them that I can do ANYTHING! That the only reason I cannot fly a jet, is because no one has shown me how...but i could do that too!
I know i am rambling, been having alot of stuff coming up lately. But I am glad that you want to bk into your chosen field! Kudos! Do NOT let anyone stop you. Some of the people I have met with the most mental illness are the Doctors and people in other fields of authority.
I pray you find a spot that is well suited to you. And like with any job, there is always that 90 day grace period. Either end can terminate if needed. Go for it. Try it. Show them!! We are not a disease, we have a disease.
Nupoet