really? (edit: lol, not questioning that this is your insight of the moment. more how much you think this stands up as 'truth').

i had a funny session with my thesis supervisor a few months back where we both knew what i was referring to but i was too tired and couldn't find the right words for what i wanted to express. i spoke to her for an hour calling the referrent a "thingy-bingy" .

similarly, when i call someone a jerk (or think of that person as a jerk) a large part of me recognises that i'm only labelling them as such because it's a self protection mechanism, it makes me feel better. i do it anyway because with people i label "jerks" i'm usually not too fussed to think about them in depth either, so it's a useful heuristic to help me move on to more interesting things to pay attention to. but, in truth, there are very few people i actually do think are jerks (i.e., the other person really is an objective jerk, or a bad person etc). i'd be hard pressed to even name one person, in fact.

i really empathise with the need for words therapists use to be precise, pach. i know i've certainly driven a lot of my past-Ts (and lecturers, supervisors, managers etc) crazy because i demand a higher level of precision than they typically communicate with. at the same time, though, i think i'm a bit of an outlier with respect to wanting this level of precision, so instead of getting upset and withdrawing i try to clarify instead. it still drives the other person nuts, but at least i get a better understanding of what it is they really had in mind. humans aren't perfect communicators (alas!) and it's a lot less important to other people than it is to me. i wonder if you're hindering yourself from getting otherwise good help by being hung up on this? but maybe the difference between us is that i'm not afraid to ask questions, many many questions... whereas from what you've posted earlier in this thread it sounds like that would be confronting for you? i'm just guessing here, let me know if i'm way off base.