hi...

i am writing because my partner has been having a really hard time and she's been feeling unsafe around her home. i feel that she is still feeling very emotional connections to past abuse, and i'm wondering if anyone has any advice, whether you've been through something similar or if you know someone who has.

this afternoon we went out for a lovely walk, but when we were going back to her apartment there was a child playing on the sidewalk with his skateboard. she feels very threatened when people are blocking the sidewalk. it's common in her neighborhood for children to be riding their bikes recklessly around the sidewalks and in the parking lot. they also run and play around and generally don't care or notice when other people are around trying to use the sidewalk. my partner feels very emotional about this, and i don't really relate. kids are kids, and the parents around here aren't great. i move along. but i do my best to be understanding about my partner. she feels that people are able to tell she is a bad person and try to hurt her because of it.

the child didn't get out of our way when we were near. instead, his skateboard went sliding out towards my partner and she got very angry. she feels angry towards the child for disrespecting her space and not allowing her to get by safely. she feels that the child was trying to throw the thing at her intentionally to hurt her. since we have been inside, she has been having a hard time. when she speaks to me, she says she should know that she doesn't deserve to be safe and she deserves to hurt. she is angry at the child and herself. the voices in her head tell her she deserves to hurt. she feels that she should just accept that she will never be safe at home and that is because she doesn't deserve it because she's a bad person. she feels that she can't safely leave her home without being attacked by the monsters (children, other threatening people. she dislikes many of her neighbors for other incidences that make her feel threatened).

i know she has been terribly abused in her past, and that has heightened her sense of fear and distorted her sense of safety in the present. i want to encourage her to work through this and heal from the past abuse. i wish she would talk to her therapist, but when another incident with a child near her apartment happened and she tried talking to her T, it didn't go well at all. it's hard to understand her perspective, but i try so hard because i want to understand and be helpful to her in healing.

any thoughts or advice is appreciated. i really want her to be ok, and i know she doesn't deserve to be hurt. she is not a bad person. i can't imagine how hard it is to hear all the things she is hearing about herself in her head. she does deserve to be safe, but i know her perceptions make a big difference in how she feels about her own safety. has anyone been able to work through these feelings? i admire you. i believe it is possible, even though it is such hard and difficult work.