I know how frustrating it is to just not be able to stop. It is one of the worst feelings. One of the things I have learned is that the people that love you won't blame you for this--once you explain it to them and they understand, they will want to help you get through this. It's not a comfortable thing to share, but even telling one person you trust, and finding that they still accept you for you helps immensely. As difficult as it is, try to keep in mind that trich doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you as a person. It may take a long time, but you can find the strength to rewire that part of your brain that makes it such an overpowering need. I haven't gotten there either, but some day...In the meantime, just give yourself some love and blame the trich, not yourself!