Well, my pdoc has talked to me about forgiveness (he's also my T) and my sister has rubbed her angelic ability for forgiveness in my face (nope, I'm not bitter). I cannot forgive some things. My abusers are number one on the 'not getting my forgiveness' list. I know it's probably not the healthy, good, caring thing to do, but as with you, my abusers (esp. my mother) would continue to abuse me today if I allowed her contact with my life. Also, I try desperately to repress my past abuse, mostly I keep the things that happened to myself. I have found that I have really, really bad, scary, terrifying dreams most nights about my past abuse and having it bleed into my now life. I don't know where I am going but I don't think you are wrong. I completely support your decision NOT to forgive.