I agree that the somewhat inflammatory language he chose does hamper understanding his points. That is a good lesson for me in my own communication.

In a way, it isn't that much different from what many therapists ask when you first show up in their office. What brings you here today? For me, I knew I had certain problems I wanted to solve, so I could certainly tell T what those were, but the main thing I chose to tell him was I have these problems but I am profoundly stuck. The emphasis was on the being stuck part, not on solving the problems. And I see that as similar to what the counselor was asking--not so much what problems do you have, but why can't you solve them? And then working on the reasons you can't solve them, rather than on the problems themselves. (I am assuming the counselor meant he would work on this, but maybe I'm assuming too much.) So that is what my T and I focused on early in therapy--getting me unstuck. I think T saw that I did have a lot of resources to draw on if I could only break free from that stuck place. I am not sure if it is quite the same as what that counselor wrote, though. What would he say if a person told him they were stuck? Would he help them get unstuck or say you're not ready and show them the door? Maybe he would say that if you're stuck, you're are just being a victim--snap out of it! I just didn't much of anything that would have helped me in what he wrote...

This isn't how it worked for me. I could make the choice to not be stuck until I was blue in the face. It didn't change anything. I sooo wanted to not be stuck. I was ready. I was willing. I wasn't looking for a rescuer, just someone with an idea of how to do this. It turned out I needed a T with trauma expertise to recognize why I was stuck and then use his expertise to help me process the trauma so I could move forward. Wanting to be unstuck and saying you are ready to be unstuck do not necessarily help at all. I've been there--I know. I am not very victimlike at all, so it seems kind of insulting (not from you, Perna), that a therapist would blame a client's inablity to move forward on their playing a victim role. As if someone wants to be stuck like that!

Thanks, Perna. I like that about sharing one's own person. I do believe strongly in reciprocity in the therapy relationship and that when both people share, it can really deepen the relationship and make things "click." (That is one reason my T's ample self-disclosure has been so helpful--it helps us draw very close and is like laying down a card on the table. He lays down and then looks to me, "your move." If he had enough courage to share with me and lay down a card, then I can do it too. )