I, too, am struggling with forgiving my abuser. In a book I am reading, Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend, it says "To forgive someone means to let them off the hook, or to cancel a debt he owes you. When you refuse to forgive someone, you still want something from that person, and even if it is revenge that you want, it keeps you tied to him forever. If you do not forgive, you are demanding something your offender does not choose to give, even if it is only confession of what he did. This 'ties' him to you and ruins boundaries. Let the dysfunctional family you came from go. Cut it loose, and you will be free." (pp 178-179)
My abuser would still be doing the very thing if I was still with him. I just cannot find it in me to forgive him. I don't think he should be let off the hook. He needs to be punished for what he did. Being a Christian, makes this very difficult for me. I know that it is not my job to punish him, it is God's. I know he will get his just reward, but there is the part of me that wants him to suffer like I did for all those years. How can one really forgive an abuser?