I felt your pain in each sentence. I was once in that same exact situation after a divorce and I felt like such a no body. I felt like an empty shell. I didn't love myself but I loved my 3 boys like crazy. Only I felt like I had nothing to offer them and that I looked like some uneducated divorced mom who was struggling and there was no way to hide it. It was obvious. I was embarassed about my life. Now I am 42, my parents took my kids in and are raising them while I literally struggle with my mental health problems, can't hold jobs, and hate myself. I have physical problems now at my age too that prevent me from working any type of retail or labor job. I feel like there is no place in this world for me. Thank God for those social workers and one friend, and those that have helped me survive this far in life. I have no "real" friends either. They don't want a friend like me with baggage. When I am sad, I read a book. Read Breaking Dawn. The 4th Twilight book. it is really good.