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This may sound harsh but you need to somehow get through your fear and call her so you can get the mental health services you deserve. ok?
You deserve to have support and someone knowledgeable helping you to be higher functioning mental health wize.
*hug*
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“In depression . . . faith in deliverance, in ultimate restoration, is absent. The pain is unrelenting, and what makes the condition intolerable is the...feeling felt as truth...that no remedy will come -- not in a day, an hour, a month, or a minute. . . . It is hopelessness even more than pain that crushes the soul.”-William Styron
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