I am so sorry you are going through this. I can understand your frustration and would like to tell you what happened to me:

I can really relate to much of what you lament over and even had been on every anti-depressant available literally, looking at ECT and also was not a candidate b/c of a health condition. I had a major depressive episode but got ampted up as you describe on anti-anxiety meds or reactions to them, had insomnia, and severe anxiety. Treated for years for all three with individual meds. I moved and had to change docs. New doc saw signs in me for bipolar disorder just currently being in a depressive episode and b/c of the way I was responding to the anti-depressants. Regardless of diagnosis, for me, changing to the anti-psych class changed my world for the better. I just needed help no matter the classification.

I am not saying that I see this dx for you at all, only to relate there might still be options in treatment and not to give up hope! Do some research and contact your doc or to get a second opinion, there might still be possibilities out there thinking outside the box. Hugs, and hang in there!