Hi everyone,
thank you so much for giving me really insightful advices. I've been thinking about it, and TheByzantine is right, it is a lose/lose situation. I found myself inquiring someone who's attending the program at his preferred school when I was up there yesterday, because I wanted to know how good it would be for him. I didn't even feel any hostility such as "great, he may choose this school", I just found myself being inquisitive and curious about the program because if it's really good, he'll be really happy and that matters. So, I decided that whatever his decision is, I am at peace.

Bloom3,
I got really sad when I read your post and you said you know how much I love my bf. I'll follow your advice and not put up a wall. I realize I can do this, when he was making me laugh and that made me laugh and cry at the same time since it hurts to think I'd look back at those laughter and he's not there anymore. But I want to welcome those moments so I can live in it right now. Whatever comes will come.

Thank you everyone for always being there and helping me through these sad and frustrating situations. I can't express enough of my gratitude.