T picked up about 3 weeks ago that I sometimes present as if I'm coping when infact I am not. It happened after a session where she at first thought it was quite adult, BUT-THEN-WHEN-I-GOT-HOME, well all **** let loose and I was emailing with her.

The next session after this she addressed this, she said I thought we were both sitting here together but underneath you were screaming, but you never protest of show this. This led on to all the other times as a young teenager I'd taken overdoses, been sent to psychiatrists but after a few visits it came to nothing, T said I think now I can where you hae always presented this adult persona, she said but I find it shocking that no one saw through that.

Now she says I am aware of this and next time we are sitting here as "adults" I need to look underneath that and see what else maybe going on. I explained how whenever I did go to sch I wasn't an acting out child, I was an acting in, and I'd sit at the back and not speak or get involved with anyone else, but yes inside all this chaos is going on but I can't seem to get it out.

I emailed her when I got back from session yesterday because it was almost another "adult" session, but when I got home I felt I'd not presented myself as I was really feeling so I emailed and told her this. I think its going to be eaiser now to talk about the screaming going on inside now we're both aware of it. Funny when the times ready, these issues suddenly bubble up to the top and will no longer be forced back.