Thanks Sabrina (I like your new avatar), it's interesting to get a new perspective, especially one from so far away from me. I'm guessing that schooling is all private there?

We don't qualify for free lunch, but trying to keep up with all of this is very hard for us. Of course, it adds to my guilt of not working, knowing that if I had any sort of job, we would be much better off. I prefer to pack my son's lunches, but there is a "hot lunch" available everyday for $2 a meal. Unfortunately, it's not very cool to bring your lunch (because as I said, most everyone qualifies for free lunch, so most everyone-meaning all his friends-eat school lunch... this has led him to buying his lunches at school, which I really dislike because they are insanely unhealthy). As far as transportation, I do take him to school (though he could ride the bus), the bus is very unsafe, they allow teenagers on the bus with the little kids and there ends up being all kinds of problems. Anyway, I live in a small town, only a few square miles, so I am able to take him and pick him up from school.

I digress, as usual. I appreciate you all reading this and helping me to try to keep a better perspective on everything. When I was freaking out last night I realized that while all the things I've listed bother me, it's the cumulative effect of it all that is so upsetting and scary to me. Last year there were only a very few days when I picked my son up and he didn't cry about how miserable he is. He's learning so little, quite literally spends about 80% of classroom time doing math and reading. It's very frustrating to him. Everyday I get closer to just homeschooling him, but he's an only child so I worry I would be robbing him of child friends, and I hate the thought of that too. He's a good student, usually making perfect or near perfect grades and he behaves properly, so he receives practically no attention from his teacher, far too many other students are falling behind or are behavior problems for the teacher to have any extra time for the "good" students.

My husband has worked at the university here for 17 years and really likes his job (sometimes I am resentful of this, but that's a whole other post), so moving is a limited option. The state (which pays his salary and manages his retirement account) has recently passed an awful law that essentially takes away your retirement (it's a mandatory system where they deduct a certain amount from your pay no matter what) if you leave the system before you have worked at least 20 years (and yes, this is somehow legal)... so if we tried to find a better school, he would lose a few hundred thousand dollars he has in his retirement fund.

I'm sorry this has just turned into a freak out about my life. My internal T is reminding me that part of the reason I'm freaking out is that my son's sperm donor is having another child (wife's pregnant) and my son has been begging me for many years to have another child, so I am terrified he will want to live with the jerk because then he won't be alone (he's very lonely and tells me this nearly every day). When does life ever get easier?

And Sabrina, if I had to take out a loan for uniforms I would just have a heart attack, all of this is bad enough, the added strain of a loan for clothes would send me packing to the hospital.