Today I am so blah. I have no energy to do anything. At the same time my thoughts are reelinga bout all the things that I need to do and all the responsibilities I have taken on that if I drop the ball put me and my family in a bad place again.

I haven't told anyone, but I have had a few sparse symptoms the last few nights.

TRIGGER BELOW



In addition to mood swings, my symptoms consist of violent images of things I can do to hurt/kill myself. They are completely out of my control and they play over and over in my head. I can't identify a specific trigger for how they start or why they stop. I haven't had any of these thoughts for over a month since getting out of the hospital, until the last couple of nights.

I have had the image of taking hundreds of pills (I don't have nearly enough in my house to do any damage, so this is not a real concern, just a very disturbing thought) and also the image of running full speed down the hall and smashing my head into the wall/window. This image repeats over and over and takes place in my own upstairs hallway, and in the hallway of the hospital.

I don't know what made the thoughts go away the last time, so I think I just have to deal with them until they stop.