Denise, I had a depressive episode from October until just last week. Actually, I've been in a mixed episode for over 2 years, but it's typically on the depressed side. I just haven't had a period of recovery. During this time I used similar phrases as you: "I'm tired of playing the game of life." I also thought: "Even if this mood passes, it will always come back." Life seems pretty bleak, I realize. I know it doesn't help you to say that I've had a solid good week on a new medication, but perhaps hearing that someone else who was hopeless now has hope will bring you a glimmer of hope yourself. The only thing you can do is make changes. Whether that's with meds or therapy or trying something new. Anything different offers the promise of a change in your mood. Please don't give up. I've had 7 good days and that made all those months of misery seem like just a bad dream. This is a bad dream and you will wake up from it too. And if it ever comes back, we will be here for you just like we're here for you now. I know this sounds oversimplified, but all we have is hope. We lose it and regain it over and over again. It's a tough game to play, but all we have is our life. Death will find us one day whether we're enjoying it or not. So there's no need to go looking for it. The key is to try to make the game worthwhile again. Without the meds to give me a boost, I could have never done that. Tell your pdoc that your meds are not helping. Get something new. Sorry if this is at all sounding overbearing. I just know what it's like and I'm saying to you what I would say to myself. Here for you.