Hi leptor2003,
welcome to PC. You're in a very tough position and I'm sorry you're in the middle. It's not fair for you to choose sides and they have to understand this, particularly your husband. He sounds too controlling IMO.

Even if your mom asked inappropriately he should have been the better person - he shouldn't have become physical with her. Your husband should be more respectful considering your family has lent you both money. A person shouldn't treat people who have lent him money like crap.

He shouldn't expect you to alienate yourself from your family. I think the only way to solve this is with counseling unless he and your mother could agree to let the matter go. Don't let him convince you not to see your family