Hi, Leptor, welcome to PsychCentral (PC). I am sorry your husband and mother and rest of the family don't get along.

If I were in your position, I would set my own boundaries so your husband didn't speak ill of your family in your hearing, but neither did your mother speak ill of your husband. I would figure out a payment plan to repay my sister all that money and get it "automated" so the bank did it. My stepsons owe my husband and me money and checks arrive from a third party to pay on it regularly, like any other bill. That way there doesn't have to be argument or decisions on whether or not to pay this month, etc. Even if it is only $10 or $25 a month for now, I'd set it up like any other bill and then you wouldn't have to argue about it.

I would try to tease your husband into a better mood about your family; when he says that you are taking away from him by visiting them, I would invite him again to come with you but have the boundary that you are going, they're your family and as much as you'd like him to come along, he can do as he likes and so will you. Both he and your mother are behaving poorly and I might point out to your mother than your husband won't join in the family's celebrations because she won't apologize for her part in the argument. No one else can solve it though except the two of them but the rest of you should not hold yourselves hostage to their bad behavior and should continue to see one another.