Yeah, I'm considering a gap year from my college. It's 2500 miles away from where I live (which might be a good thing, I already feel anxious being home for one day out of the hospital). I've already paid the bill and I'd like to go, but considering the state of affairs I'm in...

I was thinking of a non-credit community class at the nearby community college. At least it's something I guess. I'm really worried about "messing up" things (i.e., I can't get a job because I'll "mess up" somehow and get fired; I will go to college and "mess up" and flunk out, etc.) so a class that doesn't count for credit might actually be good for me. I don't know. It all depends if I can ever make up my mind on anything.

...And I had a bad experience at my library and am terrified to go back there. Even though I love reading...

I am really SICK of being afraid of things before I even do them. I get so caught up in anticipation I hardly try anything. I'm so frustrated with myself right now!