six months ago i had a breakdown, (that's what I call it, anyway) major depressive episode. Suicidal ideation, isolating, not eating or taking my meds, all of it. for weeks at a time i didn't leave the house. (it's the worst it's ever been and i've been diagnosed for approx fifteen years)

so now i'm back on all my meds, psych and for other medical issues (including thyroid and diabetes) i have somewhere to go four out of seven days. i don't have any friends or any people i have a connection with and i'm working on that but the other issue is that my house is a wreck.

i live alone, so there was no one to ***** or complain, which i thought was awesome, but it also means that my nonfunctional kitchen, due to bags and boxes and old paper plates (no garbage, i've got my three dogs to take care of that) is still nonfunctional.

every room in my house is a complete disaster. i can't ever have anyone over and i can't afford to have someone haul the trash away.

i have a bad back and can only do about ten or fifteen minutes worth of work on it a day and truthfully, some days i just don't want to.

the biggest problem is that i'm so overwhelmed by this that it harshes any good feelings i might have had when i was out.

help. any ideas? i've got two to four layers of papers and boxes and trash on every floor of my house!

god, i want to cry just thinking about it. i have my laptop on my bed and i never use my living room, i just sit on my bed like it's an island and try not to look down.