She's lying next to me, falling asleep. We were in her basement about half an hour ago. She was IMing her boyfriend. They seemed to be having a pretty long conversation while she and I, who have been "in love" for something like a year and 8 months, sit on a couch saying nothing for hours straight.

So I got irritated, got up, and went up to her room.

She just came in a few minutes ago. She gave me a little nuzzle on the arm and said goodnight.

And honestly, I feel absolutely nothing right now. I just don't care about this "relationship" anymore. I don't really even feel like I can be friends with her. She makes me angry. I occasionally feel love for her but she hardly seems to return the feeling. And when I confront her about it, she gets either really sad or really pissed.

I really don't even know if I want to bother looking for a new relationship. I want what she and I used to have; someone to hold, someone I can feel passionate about, someone I can sleep with. But if I do I'll just end up in this bitter hole I'm in now, with no way out. It always does.