Thanks Blackpup.
My T is now away until end of the month, so it is a bit daunting. Especially with starting new meds and a new job, the stress levels and medication side-effects will be quite a challenge.
I am enjoying having someone to talk to. I need to learn to slow down in situations too, as I do tend to over-react far too quickly and violently.
I don't think I hate myself- but who knows what therapy will reveal.
It was your statement of: do you define yourself by your achievements? that definitely struck a chord with me.

I'm sure by now we could open a whole new forum where we counsel each other - lol. We all just take what we want from the various approaches that we have learnt over the years.

I want to settle down with a pdoc and a T that will really work with me, and that I feel comfortable with. I've been through 2 T's and 3 pdoc's in the last 18 months - I really am fussy, lol

Regarding faith - it hasn't come up in T yet, but I hope that when it does come up, that we will be on the same page.

Thanks for all your thoughts and support