What happened during your marriage to make you so afraid? I have a hard time understanding how jusst the transgendered thing can be so traumatic. I would be frustrated, perhaps even angry if I felt I was being used to help someone look "normal" but fifteen years is a long time to feel so threatened.
Of course, you don't have to go into any detail, but what do you think, for yourself, makes this so hard for you?
So glad your new spouse is understanding. HUGGS!