(((dwoodc01)))

I'm sorry that you are in such pain and confusion after trying hard to build healthy relationships. It isn't an easy task to build relationships. A lot of times, people are on different levels.

To me, it sounds like you and your ex are on different levels of interest in long-term. Perhaps he misread you: thinking that you were looking build a new family; and he just wasn't/isn't ready to make a commitment like that. His fear made him overreact a bit, and push you away.

I would recommend letting go of the reins. Perhaps he will come back when he feels some freedom and thinks about you. Maybe not. Either way, you will be in a better state of mind when you accept your life the way that it is right now. It is not an easy state of mind to get into (especially in Western culture ~ always planning this and that). But it is generally easier and much happier to live through.

For example, you take each day as it comes to you. You do things that you and your son enjoy doing together, to build a happier, stronger relationship. You take the time to enjoy staring out of a window, and gazing at the moon for awhile. Little things that YOU enjoy doing by yourself, to build a sense of security and self-enjoyment. You don't always have to have the love of another to enjoy moments in life. Know what I mean??

I think that building a solid sense of who you are, and retaining some independence is a very healthy thing to aims towards. Very best wishes to you!