Quote:
Originally Posted by bebop
ok heres the deal. I was hoping to get by without disclosing too much but it ain't happening lol...
our relationship is strained to say the least....we rarely have sex anymore but I catch him masturbating. To him it is not cheating but to me it is. He is cheating me out of a healthy sex life. He thinks if I were to be with another woman that is cheating, but he can pleasure himself. now I would not think that is cheating if he were still taking care of me too. Now let me say this too. I use to be bi..sometimes those old feelings come back but it is a religious thing for me.
Hope that helps decide
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I agree with Shezbut that marriage counseling is a good idea. I think if a partner is masturbating but still satisfying his/her partner that fine. If a partner is masturbating but not having sex or excluding you in favor of masturbation - that's not right. Is he masturbating to porn?
The key here is to find out why he prefers self pleasuring. It could be:
1. he's being lazy or having intimacy problems related to the two of you.
2. his private parts just don't work the way they used to and he can only feel satisfaction if he flies solo. But he should still be satisfying you.
3. he's addicted to porn and has become desensitized to regular sex.
Or it could be other reasons I haven't mentioned. Now the other thing thing you mentioned about being with a woman if he's not doing his job as a husband. This would be cheating if he doesn't consent to it. Some people have open marriages, so if he said "go ahead" then it wouldn't be cheating IMO. Some people are in Polyamorous/Polygamist marriages - the fact they're with multiple partners doesn't mean they're cheating, because they're all in agreement to this arrangement.
If a couple all of a sudden decides to declare he's a Polygamist(like in my case) and it's against my beliefs - then that's cheating but to him it's allowed - a no win situation.
So if your hubby says "go ahead", then you're not cheating. But I don't think this would be good for the marriage in the long run. Find what's his reason -don't speak in a blaming emotional way. Tell him you just want to know the facts, so you can both either fix it or figure out what to do. If you want to restore the intimacy you should both go for counseling with a specialist in this area. Best of luck ((Bebop))
