This is an off the wall response here, so excuse me, or at least I percive this as off the wall.

I don't know your history, but I was wondering if maybe you learned to not feel those emotions as a way to protect yourself? A sort of self protection.

I find it very very hard to get close to people, to let down my walls and let people in. It is a form of self defense, I learned early early in life as a child, after the sexual abuse, and as I got older the various traumas I experinced, my unstable home life, the emotional abuse my mother inflicted on me during those times of instabilty at home. I learned to "shut down" to just turn off anything I was feeling, the only things that felt okay to feel was anger, agitation, annoyance. I would have violent outbursts when the agitation from the world around me got to be too much, I would have to storm outside and just run or go and punch on a tree until I felt I could control myself again and go back to playing the role I felt I had to.

I was wondering if maybe, what you are experincing what someone at one time took the time to label you a "psychopath" (which in my perception from the posts I see here and the few times we have met in chat is a very wrong and incorrect lablel) over is something of the breed I was describing above. and you are just sort of, well for lack of a better word, "stuck" in that shut down mode.

I hope this helps, and it isn't really an odd response, but I very much agree with what Pegasus has said.

***afterthought****

I think somewhere in a post in this thread you mentioned you saw something as a challenge? or enjoyed challenges (correct me if I"m wrong) I often when I feel threatened, overwhelmed, or triggered by something numb out and try to view it as a challenge, I "shut down" and go into a very detached calculating train of thought that I stay in until I feel the challenge is over or that I've overcome it.

Wishing you much peace on your journey
Typo