sweetie, you are not the only one with all these thoughts and feelings and doubts.....If you read other threats you will see lots of us have the same types of feelings.....
40 minutes away is not that far, you can visit each other even during the week....I don't know where you live, but in LA 40 min drive considers as a short distance.....
Try to bring yourself back to the present moment rather than thinking about ifs and else....I know it's difficult, but it's possible and with practice you will get better each day then one day you will open up your eyes and you are the master of yourself and your feelings instead of your feelings to rule you!

take care
with love
Marjan