Oh man, I can't even believe I was doing so damn WELL last night! I started freaking out, so I found a word game to play. And I was perfectly fine. I little nervous, but not bad. And when I got off the computer to go watch Who's Line is it Anyway? I was alright. I got nervous during commercials, but I started singing a little. Remembering the lyrics to a new song.

So I was feeling alright about today. I had a nervous feeling in the pit of my stomach about going out into public, so it was hard to fall asleep. But I just listened closer to the songs I had playing on my iPod dock and went straight to sleep.

So my friend Alex picked up my other friend Rachel and myself, then we went and saw The Sorcerer's Apprentice.

Oh my god... It was horrible. I was jumpy, and kept putting my back against walls. Apparently I scratch when I'm nervous, and tap my pointer fingers together while counting to 50. So my arm is all red. I was shaking halfway through the movie, and felt like I was going to be sick, and just couldn't wait until it was over. I got really nervous when Alex left to go to the bathroom during it, and I felt like I needed to drag Rachel with me to go find her and make sure she was safe. I like to keep my people together, becuase we're safer as a group.

I wasn't so bad in the car, or when we got back to my house and talked for a little bit, but it was so horrible. And I felt bad, because I didn't want them to notice how bad I was, and I wanted to be having fun. I should have been. Normally I would have. I've never done that, I've never been that bad in public. I'm still nervous as hell.

I've been in public with friends (without my parents) lots of times before, so it's not that. And I know that I can trust them, and I know that we're safe damnit! I just can't get that through my head. Oh, school is going to be unbearable when it starts back up. I know it is...