Thanks Byzantine, you're absolutely right about the safety of the vehicle. Do i have a good marriage? I don;t feel i can be my own person. Everything has to go through him first. For the first 20 years of marriage he was both emotionally and verbally abusive. It;s only been the last 5 years that things have been a little better but i still don't like his outbursts of anger and his quick tongue. You may ask why do i stay, i ask myself that all the time. I really do see he's trying to make an effort but to me i feel money is more important than i am. Who puts money before their family's safety. I have been very passive in the past as i didn't want to rock the boat and i didn't want my kids to hear fighting all the time. I made a huge mistake staying for them as they have been witness to their mother being verbally abused and one of them is starting to treat me the same way. Children learn what they live, i know that now but i did the best i could at the time, parenting doesn't come with a manual unfortunately. I have lost respect for my husband which is eroding into any love i had for him. The comment that he said to me recently really opened my eyes as to how he felt about me and what i'd been to thye family. We were taling about anxiety and he said well you've never had anxiety in your life you've never had to worry about where your next meal is coming from or where the mortgage payment is ciming from. What about all the worry i had when the kids were sick, when they needed to get to a 6am hockey practice and the stress from his verbal abuse. It made me realize that he only considers it important if it has to do with money....SICK